4 weeks

4 weeks ago yesterday, I delivered Natalie.  It has been a month since she went home to be with Jesus.  I just read an article by a mom who had a similar diagnosis but s bit earlier than ours.  She chose to terminate due to the likelihood that her little girl would pass and the challenges that she would have if she survived.  Thinking about our decision to carry Natalie despite the likely outcome, I would  not change a thing.  Every parent wants their child to have a "normal" child without challenges.  As a teacher I have had many students with many challenges but they can overcome them many times.  I am not judging this other family in any way.  I am, however, glad that we chose to let God's plan play out.  There are many women leading normal lives while having Turner Syndrome.  I would not change a thing that we did throughout this pregnancy.  As difficult as it has been dealing with this grief.  I have an easier time dealing with it knowing I did all I could to protect her precious life.  She lived in me for 23 weeks.  And I loved her every single minute of her life with me.  I struggle seeing other pregnant women, especially ones I am not close with.  I have moments of great hope that God will bless us again and heal our hearts with a rainbow baby.  My co workers bought us a butterfly bush.  We planted it on Saturday.  Shortly after it was planted a little orange butterfly flew around us.  I am not one to put a lot into physical signs from our loved ones that have passed but it was a good feeling to think that God and Natalie were watching us plant it in her memory and sent us a little butterfly to give her approval.  I may have written this before so forgive me if I am repeating myself.  I do not  know the souls of my future children.  I pray for them daily that they will follow the Lord and love Him but it is not a guarantee.  I do know, though, that I will see Natalie in Heaven.  She is waiting for us.  Job 12:10 In his hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind.